Posts Tagged "feelings"

In  Henri Nouwen’s book The Return of the Prodigal Son, he says that the way to spiritual fatherhood is forgiveness.  It is through constant forgiveness that we become like the Father. I have often said I forgive you but even as I said these words, my heart remained angry or resentful. I still wanted to hear the story that tells me that I was right after all; I still wanted to hear apologies and excuses.  I still wanted the satisfaction of receiving some praise in return. But God’s forgiveness is unconditional; it comes from a heart that does not demand anything for itself, a heart that is completely empty of sell-seeking. It is this divine forgiveness that I have to practice in my daily life.  It demands that I step over the wounded part of...

Yup you read it right.  Neurobiology is a big word for how the brain works.  Addictions are those things we can’t stop doing because it feels good.  Sexual arousal parallels that of cocaine in its relationship to “pleasure” chemicals in the brain (dopamine for those of you with inquiring minds).  Studies show that as far as the brain is concerned, a reward is a reward, whether it’s food, sex, porn, gambling (gamblin for those of you in Tennessee), or shopping.  Due to an impaired functioning of certain parts of the brain (frontal cortex for those of you with inquiring minds), individuals with addictions are not able to objectively judge the dangers, risks, or negative impact of their behavior. This leads to instant gratification of...

The second form of insecure relationship is called the ambivalent attachment because it’s a mixture of  desiring love weighed against anger.  This style may develop when the child is unable to receive love and attention on a consistent basis from the caregiver.  The child develops a framework of thinking that then carrys over into adulthood that says; I am not worthy of love.  I am not capable of getting the love I need without being angry and clingy.  Others are capabale of loving me but might not do so because of my flaws.  They might abandon me.  I am poor at getting the love I need and I must please my loved ones or I will be worthless and unlovable.  The ambivalent attachment style often leads to unhealthy dependent relationships on others. ...

When parents (in Bowlby’s experiments this was primarily referring to the mother) are simply not available, physically or emotionally, or is willing but not able to be there (illness, death), or when the caregivers use insenstive, embarrassing, or sarcastic language, injuries to the the child’s ability to attach and form relationships can occur. In the avoidant style of relating, the child learns that he can’t depend on parents for a safe harbor. The child then develops a “survival” style of relating and develops self-talk that goes something like this: I am capable of love, but others are not able to love me.  I am worthy based only on my accomplishments.  I depend on my own self and abilities in order to succeed.  Others are...

THE MIND IS such a wonderful and divine instrument, it knows exactly when we need protection.  In such cases, the mind will give us an excuse or rationale we can grab onto to shield us from harmful, hurtful situations.  These “defense mechanisms” the mind offers us are but a temporary shelter in the midst of a raging storm.  It is our duty, however, to move from beneath this shelter when it no longer serves our highest or greatest good.  In other words, when it keeps us from growing. Be sure not to tell yourself you “don’t” when you do want it.  Be mindful not to accept “you can’t” when you know you can.  Pay attention to the excuses you make “not to”, when you know you must.  Don’t settle...