Living under these rules can also lead to a chronic sense of failure, indecision, shame, and increased criticism of others. The perfectionist is rarely satisfied with their performance. By setting unrealistic standards the perfectionist develops a harsh self critical attitude which contributes to a low self esteem and fear of negative social evaluation (others will not accept me or like me). They tend to overgeneralize, feel out of control which spirals down to a sense of helplessness.
Therapy includes helping the perfectionist reframe negative self-talk and “rules” that have been established about perfection (I must be perfect, You must be perfect). It can also be helpful to understand how and why these rules were put into place to begin with. Most rules of this type were framed and developed in early childhood to obtain love, attention, and approval. It’s important that family and friends provide an accepting and loving environment.
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