Posts Tagged "thought life"

The second form of insecure relationship is called the ambivalent attachment because it’s a mixture of  desiring love weighed against anger.  This style may develop when the child is unable to receive love and attention on a consistent basis from the caregiver.  The child develops a framework of thinking that then carrys over into adulthood that says; I am not worthy of love.  I am not capable of getting the love I need without being angry and clingy.  Others are capabale of loving me but might not do so because of my flaws.  They might abandon me.  I am poor at getting the love I need and I must please my loved ones or I will be worthless and unlovable.  The ambivalent attachment style often leads to unhealthy dependent relationships on others. ...

When parents (in Bowlby’s experiments this was primarily referring to the mother) are simply not available, physically or emotionally, or is willing but not able to be there (illness, death), or when the caregivers use insenstive, embarrassing, or sarcastic language, injuries to the the child’s ability to attach and form relationships can occur. In the avoidant style of relating, the child learns that he can’t depend on parents for a safe harbor. The child then develops a “survival” style of relating and develops self-talk that goes something like this: I am capable of love, but others are not able to love me.  I am worthy based only on my accomplishments.  I depend on my own self and abilities in order to succeed.  Others are...

What are your core beliefs about yourself?  You can determine this by answering the following questions:  Am I worthy?  Am I able to do what I need to in order to get the love I need?  Are other people reliable and trustworthy?  Are other people accessible and willing to respond to me? John  Bowlby believed that “the infant and young child should experience a warm, intimate, and continuous relationship with his mother (or permanent mother substitute) in which both find satisfaction and enjoyment” This formed the basis of his attachment theory.  The theory basically says that children develop a framework of thinking about their self worth, about others, about their trust in others, and trust in themselves as a result of the child’s ability to have...

THE MIND IS such a wonderful and divine instrument, it knows exactly when we need protection.  In such cases, the mind will give us an excuse or rationale we can grab onto to shield us from harmful, hurtful situations.  These “defense mechanisms” the mind offers us are but a temporary shelter in the midst of a raging storm.  It is our duty, however, to move from beneath this shelter when it no longer serves our highest or greatest good.  In other words, when it keeps us from growing. Be sure not to tell yourself you “don’t” when you do want it.  Be mindful not to accept “you can’t” when you know you can.  Pay attention to the excuses you make “not to”, when you know you must.  Don’t settle...

WHEN YOU GET through whatever it is you are going through, you are going to be much better off.  You will have firsthand knowledge of what works for you and what does not.  You will have a new assessment of your strengths and capabilities.  You will have greater insights about the people in your life.  Perhaps you will have trimmed away some fluff, released some unnecessary baggage.  In the midst of a challenge, our eyes are opened, our minds blown to new levels of awareness.  When you get through this, you are going to be something else . . . a better, stronger you! Author Unknown Now, compare and contrast what effect this self-talk would have on your entire emotional “feelings” compared to wallowing in the mire of your difficult...