Posts Tagged "therapy"

What do we tell ourselves about resolving conflict?  Often what I find is people tell themselves that “if I avoid the conflict, things will heal on their own.” “If I give it some more time, it will go away.”  This is avoidance and avoidance will not resolve the problem.  It may seem more comfortable for the time being, but ultimately results in prolonged emotional distress and issues.  Other forms of conflict resolution include competing, accommodating, collaborating, and compromising. Competing is a power oriented mode in which the individual pursues his or her personal concerns at the others expense using whatever power seems appropriate to win their position.  This may include threats, warnings, and other uncooperative stances.  In other words,...

Emotional and spiritual intimacy with our spouse requires vigilance, transparency and sharing which creates strong emotional bonds. These bonds have seminal origins and usually germinate during a healthy dating relationship prior to marriage.  A healthy dating relationship can help establish an early framework for spiritual and emotional bonding; however these bonds cannot completely be formed and sealed until man and woman enter into God’s ordained matrimonial covenant with each other. It is then a “mystery” that allows the two to become “one flesh” revealed. The challenges of marriage can persist throughout a relationship and can at times be intense and overwhelming.  However, couples are especially vulnerable shortly after...

Commitment-Successful marriages are built on an unwavering commitment that husband and wife make to each other and to God.  Without deep commitment, a deceptive, soft, comforting voice may begin playing in the background of our often unconscious self talk that grows louder and more prominent when troubles come (and they will surely come).  The self talk goes something like this; “if this doesn’t work out, I can always find someone else.” “I’m not appreciated or valued in this relationship so I’ll find someone who will offer me more happiness.”  “You never show me any attention.” The muffled volume of background self-talk sound more subtle in the beginning, but creates a potentially dangerous crack which...

I believe it’s important to get first things first.  Without commitment to the relationship, nothing else will matter.  Marriage, like most other relationships requires intentional efforts to maintain and establish emotional and spiritual intimacy. A third cornerstone to creating harmony in the relationship requires good decision making.  These three areas seem to surface as consistent sources and root causes for developing conflict and emotional detachment.  They share a continuous thread of commonality in most troubled marriages I work with. It’s important for couples to identify practical ways to reaffirm commitment, build trust, intimacy and a solid path for the future. Hopefully these next few blogs will challenge you and at the same time...

Last night with my family during dinner and over a very lively debate about government intrusion, the meaning of torture, unions and the evil “Wall Mart,” I was upbraided by my boys for blogging too much on the political scene (read as political deception).  So, as a compliant father would do, I’m going to devote the next few days to marriage and family counseling stuff.  Hope you enjoy and share with a friend. PS ….no more political discussions during dinner  🙂