Posts Tagged "therapy"

The older I get (maturity yanno), the more people I counsel, with every person I get to know in a deeper, closer way, the more I’m convinced we’re all messed up to one degree or another.  Once you get past the veneers, the facades, the masks, have you ever met anyone who was not wounded in some way by a delusional, angry, mother, abusive father, weird relative, peer, spouse, teacher, pastor, priest, church, or boss?  I haven’t.  But if you’re like me, we tend to look at other people and say, “they have it all together.”  “Why can’t I be like them?” I recently attended a Christian men’s retreat designed to address a man’s shame, anger, loss, guilt, and fear.  The transparency from each man was astonishing and refreshing.  I met...

II Corinthians 4:16-17 encourages us to not lose heart or become discouraged even though our outer man is decaying, our inner man is being renewed  each day.  It’s a daily “process” in which light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison. God seems to transform and bring healing to us in at least two distinct ways;  an instantaneous miracle, or through a process of peeling back multiple layers of spiritual, emotional, and psychological walls, often compared to “peeling an onion.”  This latter process usually occurs over extended periods of time often requiring years or even a lifetime to accomplish. In my experience with counseling those struggling with sexual addictions and sexual sins,...

Yup you read it right.  Neurobiology is a big word for how the brain works.  Addictions are those things we can’t stop doing because it feels good.  Sexual arousal parallels that of cocaine in its relationship to “pleasure” chemicals in the brain (dopamine for those of you with inquiring minds).  Studies show that as far as the brain is concerned, a reward is a reward, whether it’s food, sex, porn, gambling (gamblin for those of you in Tennessee), or shopping.  Due to an impaired functioning of certain parts of the brain (frontal cortex for those of you with inquiring minds), individuals with addictions are not able to objectively judge the dangers, risks, or negative impact of their behavior. This leads to instant gratification of...

What are your core beliefs about yourself?  You can determine this by answering the following questions:  Am I worthy?  Am I able to do what I need to in order to get the love I need?  Are other people reliable and trustworthy?  Are other people accessible and willing to respond to me? John  Bowlby believed that “the infant and young child should experience a warm, intimate, and continuous relationship with his mother (or permanent mother substitute) in which both find satisfaction and enjoyment” This formed the basis of his attachment theory.  The theory basically says that children develop a framework of thinking about their self worth, about others, about their trust in others, and trust in themselves as a result of the child’s ability to have...

For example, the rule we have about “cars should not ever pull out in front of us” is our rule, our rule only, and not anyone else’s rule.  Sure, it makes sense; it would be nice if people always displayed courteous and safe driving habits. But the truth is, sometimes people will pull out in front of me.  The truth is, sometimes I make mistakes.  I am not perfect.  Others are not perfect.  So how do we avoid the anger?   We need to re-frame the irrational rules developed and replace them with rational and true thinking patterns. Learn to recognize rules that cause you trouble. Usually the rules we have adopted start with “I must always” or “I should,” “You must always,” “You should.”  For example, “I must be in control of...