Posts Tagged "Self-Talk"

If you know me and most of you do, you’re well versed in my mantra of  “what are you telling yourself?” and “Is this true?”  In order to move forward with emotional happiness and stability in life, we must be willing to live in the present.  We must be willing to re-frame the narrative we have each created for ourselves.  This narrative is our story and it’s only our story.  It’s not our mother’s, father’s, friend’s, boyfriend’s, husband’s, wife’s, or anyone else’s, it’s our personal story that we have created and scripted.  This means that only you can change your story.  No one, absolutely no one, can do that for you.  We create this story (remember it’s our...

What do we tell ourselves about resolving conflict?  Often what I find is people tell themselves that “if I avoid the conflict, things will heal on their own.” “If I give it some more time, it will go away.”  This is avoidance and avoidance will not resolve the problem.  It may seem more comfortable for the time being, but ultimately results in prolonged emotional distress and issues.  Other forms of conflict resolution include competing, accommodating, collaborating, and compromising. Competing is a power oriented mode in which the individual pursues his or her personal concerns at the others expense using whatever power seems appropriate to win their position.  This may include threats, warnings, and other uncooperative stances.  In other words,...

Commitment-Successful marriages are built on an unwavering commitment that husband and wife make to each other and to God.  Without deep commitment, a deceptive, soft, comforting voice may begin playing in the background of our often unconscious self talk that grows louder and more prominent when troubles come (and they will surely come).  The self talk goes something like this; “if this doesn’t work out, I can always find someone else.” “I’m not appreciated or valued in this relationship so I’ll find someone who will offer me more happiness.”  “You never show me any attention.” The muffled volume of background self-talk sound more subtle in the beginning, but creates a potentially dangerous crack which...

Living under these rules can also lead to a chronic sense of failure, indecision, shame, and increased criticism of others.  The perfectionist is rarely satisfied with their performance.  By setting unrealistic standards the perfectionist develops a harsh self critical attitude which contributes to a low self esteem and fear of negative social evaluation (others will not accept me or like me).  They tend to overgeneralize, feel out of control which spirals down to a sense of helplessness. Therapy includes helping the perfectionist reframe negative self-talk and “rules” that have been established about perfection (I must be perfect, You must be perfect). It can also be helpful to understand how and why these rules were put into place to begin with. ...

Do people make you feel depressed, angry, worried? Are others completely annoyed by you?  Do others annoy you? Well it could be that they’re complete nit wits.  On the other hand, it could be that you are a perfectionist and living under an umbrella of perfectionistic rules that you set for yourself and for others.  When these rules are broken, you feel angry and depressed.  Well. You could banish the nit wits or you could try and reframe your thinking about perfectionism. Psychologists have identified at least 2 categories or types of depressive vulverability which form the basis for most clinical depression.  One form is highly related to a feeling of loss or over dependency (loss of loved one, loss of things).  The other form is related to intense...