Posts Tagged "family"

The older I get (maturity yanno), the more people I counsel, with every person I get to know in a deeper, closer way, the more I’m convinced we’re all messed up to one degree or another.  Once you get past the veneers, the facades, the masks, have you ever met anyone who was not wounded in some way by a delusional, angry, mother, abusive father, weird relative, peer, spouse, teacher, pastor, priest, church, or boss?  I haven’t.  But if you’re like me, we tend to look at other people and say, “they have it all together.”  “Why can’t I be like them?” I recently attended a Christian men’s retreat designed to address a man’s shame, anger, loss, guilt, and fear.  The transparency from each man was astonishing and refreshing.  I met...

Have you ever relocated?  Ever picked up and moved all your belongings, stuffed them in a storage unit, and started something new?  In one way I feel like we’ve moved home and in another like we’ve left our security blankets, 3 kids, and our close friends behind.  We waved goodbye to personal friends, professional buddies, neighbors, neighbor’s dogs, my cat’s grave in the back yard (remember “GURL!),  and our growing church family (shout out to all my Providence family). New cultural environments are always interesting whether it’s food differences or personal habits.  I’ve actually found speckled butterbeans in the supermarket which I had not seen since my grandmother grew them in her garden 50 years ago.  Can’t find those in Philadelphia....

It’s amazing what observations can be made during a treadmill run at the Y.  I’m facing the clear glass spying the parking lot to help pass time during the painful torture of staying fit. I know it’s almost 9 am because minivans are rolling in and the lot is buzzing with parents and kids making their way into the gym for Saturday morning pee wee basketball.  Single moms, single dads, grandparents, mom and dad seem to be on a mission as they file into the gym. Some kids eagerly run ahead, excited about the challenge ahead.  One mom carries her 3 year old daughter in her arms as brother lags some distance behind with an anxious look on his face.  Reluctance. Clad in crinkled gym shorts, Y tee shirt, and size 6 tennis shoes, they are wondering, “Can I do...

Just a few observations about my life after Pfizer.  First of all it’s safe to say that life does go on. I still see about 8 clients during the week but I’m less rushed in everything I do.  I even find myself driving the car slower to get somewhere.  Of course this could have something to do with my aging body and mind and less to do with eliminating my etched in stone schedule of arriving at the gym at 5:30am and at work Monday through Friday at 7:30 am. But who knows for sure?  Days seem to move a little slower.  That’s a good thing, especially during the summer.  In the past it seemed that summer passed so quickly I hardly knew what happened and bam, I’m raking leaves again.  Saturday and Sunday had to be protected and exalted as “my time.” ...

As Mother’s day approaches this weekend, we recognize the vital and formative role mothers have on individual lives.  I’ll throw out the question, where would we be without our mothers?  Now if your mother was warm, welcoming, nurturing, loving, caring, emotionally healthy, and present, this is a no brainer.  If however, your mother was not “present” either physically, emotionally, or otherwise, then it’s a more difficult question to reconcile. Many clients (especially men) seeking help for depression, anger, or personality disorders, often describe their mother as cold, depressed, unavailable, ambivalent, distant, burdened, intimidated, lonely, and often a victim of abuse themselves.  The abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual in nature.  One...