What do we tell ourselves about resolving conflict? Often what I find is people tell themselves that “if I avoid the conflict, things will heal on their own.” “If I give it some more time, it will go away.” This is avoidance and avoidance will not resolve the problem. It may seem more comfortable for the time being, but ultimately results in prolonged emotional distress and issues. Other forms of conflict resolution include competing, accommodating, collaborating, and compromising. Competing is a power oriented mode in which the individual pursues his or her personal concerns at the others expense using whatever power seems appropriate to win their position. This may include threats, warnings, and other uncooperative stances. In other words, this must be done on “my terms.” Accommodating is unassertive and the opposite of competing. This form of conflict resolution often neglects his/or her own concerns to satisfy the concerns of the other person. There is an element of self sacrifice in this mode. This form of conflict resolution obeys the others orders and demands even when you would prefer not to. Avoidance, Competing, Accommodating, will not lead to a satisfactory resolution. Conflicts are best resolved when each person engages in true collaboration, digging into issues, exploring, and maintaining a “teachable” attitude. The objective of compromising is to find a mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies all parties concerned.
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