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Yoruba Proverb Human beings are creatures of habit.  We do what we know, what is comfortable and what we ‘think” will work.  There are, however, those occasions when “our” way is not “the” way to get us to the goal.  When your way doesn’t work, don’t be disheartened.  You must be willing to try another way.  Don’t be discouraged when someone says, “no.”  Be willing to ask someone else.  Always be willing to start at the bottom.  Being willing does not mean you will stay there.  A closed door does not mean you have been cut off permanently.  It is a challenge, an obstacle, a tool to be used.  The keys to all doors are within you.  If you have faith in yourself, practice and patience will...

Ever experience fear or anxiety when meeting new people or in social settings?  We’ve probably all felt some tension at one time or the other.  Where does this fear originate?  Multiple sources of evidence suggest that problematic social anxiety is directly related to our attempts to hide aspects of our “self” from others.  We might be telling our self that “If you really knew (_____ ) about me, you would reject me.”  We try and avoid scrutiny at times to avoid negative evaluation.  But more recent research seems to indicate that it’s not just the fear of negative evaluation by others but more related to the degree to which we BELIEVE the negative evaluation is true.  Do we believe the negative evaluation being conducted...

A challenge that I encounter with practically all of my clients deals with “feelings.”  Sometimes it’s used as an excuse for poor responses or behavior.  “But I feel hurt.”  “I just can’t help it, it’s the way I feel.”  Our feelings always result from our thoughts.  We tell our self something which then stimulates the “feeling.”  Emotions are not all powerful.  They seem very strong and can be ingrained over time making them difficult to manage, but we can manage our emotions by becoming aware of our self-talk and telling our self the truth about situations. Feelings often prevent us from looking at our self honestly and identifying our own faults.  Feelings often divert our attention to the...

What do we tell ourselves about resolving conflict?  Often what I find is people tell themselves that “if I avoid the conflict, things will heal on their own.” “If I give it some more time, it will go away.”  This is avoidance and avoidance will not resolve the problem.  It may seem more comfortable for the time being, but ultimately results in prolonged emotional distress and issues.  Other forms of conflict resolution include competing, accommodating, collaborating, and compromising. Competing is a power oriented mode in which the individual pursues his or her personal concerns at the others expense using whatever power seems appropriate to win their position.  This may include threats, warnings, and other uncooperative stances.  In other words,...

Like I said yesterday, it’s been a while since I’ve flown.  Traveling without having a stroke or cussing someone out in the airport requires a system and much practice.  If you get out of practice, look out.  So, here are some Do’s and Don’ts that will hopefully make flying easier for you on your next trip.  Get ready to adjust your expectations (lower) and you’ll be fine.  Expect only to arrive alive and hopefully you will. Do realize that you will be treated and spoken to as cattle the moment you arrive at the airport.  If flying out of Philadelphia, remember that you will be yelled and screamed at to get in line, stay in line, and remove all clothes (belts, shoes, jackets, etc) and for God’s sake take your computer out...

I guess I’ll join in the fray and write about MJ ‘s untimely death. Or is it really so untimely?  How long would one realistically expect to live considering the toxic milieu of opiates and anesthetics allegedly floating in  his blood stream? All this is very familiar for those who where around when Elvis met a similar demise. For those of you still in the womb in 1976 (or was it 1977), not so familiar.  I remember the news reports streaming day and night.  Long lines and throngs of neurotic fans converged in front of  draped ironed gates at Graceland in Memphis.  Constant TV coverage erupted.  I remember reading  at the time that a nurse slipped a note to his physician who was seeing another patient with encrypted abbreviations that read,...