Self-Talk

Emotional and spiritual intimacy with our spouse requires vigilance, transparency and sharing which creates strong emotional bonds. These bonds have seminal origins and usually germinate during a healthy dating relationship prior to marriage.  A healthy dating relationship can help establish an early framework for spiritual and emotional bonding; however these bonds cannot completely be formed and sealed until man and woman enter into God’s ordained matrimonial covenant with each other. It is then a “mystery” that allows the two to become “one flesh” revealed. The challenges of marriage can persist throughout a relationship and can at times be intense and overwhelming.  However, couples are especially vulnerable shortly after...

Commitment-Successful marriages are built on an unwavering commitment that husband and wife make to each other and to God.  Without deep commitment, a deceptive, soft, comforting voice may begin playing in the background of our often unconscious self talk that grows louder and more prominent when troubles come (and they will surely come).  The self talk goes something like this; “if this doesn’t work out, I can always find someone else.” “I’m not appreciated or valued in this relationship so I’ll find someone who will offer me more happiness.”  “You never show me any attention.” The muffled volume of background self-talk sound more subtle in the beginning, but creates a potentially dangerous crack which...

Living under these rules can also lead to a chronic sense of failure, indecision, shame, and increased criticism of others.  The perfectionist is rarely satisfied with their performance.  By setting unrealistic standards the perfectionist develops a harsh self critical attitude which contributes to a low self esteem and fear of negative social evaluation (others will not accept me or like me).  They tend to overgeneralize, feel out of control which spirals down to a sense of helplessness. Therapy includes helping the perfectionist reframe negative self-talk and “rules” that have been established about perfection (I must be perfect, You must be perfect). It can also be helpful to understand how and why these rules were put into place to begin with. ...

Do people make you feel depressed, angry, worried? Are others completely annoyed by you?  Do others annoy you? Well it could be that they’re complete nit wits.  On the other hand, it could be that you are a perfectionist and living under an umbrella of perfectionistic rules that you set for yourself and for others.  When these rules are broken, you feel angry and depressed.  Well. You could banish the nit wits or you could try and reframe your thinking about perfectionism. Psychologists have identified at least 2 categories or types of depressive vulverability which form the basis for most clinical depression.  One form is highly related to a feeling of loss or over dependency (loss of loved one, loss of things).  The other form is related to intense...

Now that I have your undivided attention….a recent study published in Cognitive Therapy Research investigated the differences between individuals with and without sexual dysfunction on the automatic thought content (WAYTY–here and forever more known as What Are You Telling Yourself) during sexual activity.  Results indicated that both men and women experiencing sexual dysfunction (loss of libido, inability to reach orgasm or achieve erection) report significantly more negative thoughts during sexual activity compared to sexually healthy individuals.  Women experiencing sexual dysfunction engage in self talk and cognitions that most often include the following; “I’m not satisfying my partner,” “I’m not getting turned...

Fear, anxiety, depression, and unhappiness are common among our society today. Many people who suffer with these negative moods may come to believe their personal happiness is dependent on situations and events outside of one’s control and are usually focused on past events or future worries. If “they” had not hurt me, then I could be happy. ” If I had not made the mistakes in the past, I could be content today.” “I’m so worried about my future, I have no peace in my life.” “If only…” Eckhart Tolle in his book entitled A New Earth Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, says that the joy of Being, which is the only true happiness, cannot come to you through any form, possession, achievement,...