Self-Talk

In  Henri Nouwen’s book The Return of the Prodigal Son, he says that the way to spiritual fatherhood is forgiveness.  It is through constant forgiveness that we become like the Father. I have often said I forgive you but even as I said these words, my heart remained angry or resentful. I still wanted to hear the story that tells me that I was right after all; I still wanted to hear apologies and excuses.  I still wanted the satisfaction of receiving some praise in return. But God’s forgiveness is unconditional; it comes from a heart that does not demand anything for itself, a heart that is completely empty of sell-seeking. It is this divine forgiveness that I have to practice in my daily life.  It demands that I step over the wounded part of...

In 2000 Kathy and I sponsored about 20 youth from our church on a  mission team to Puebla  Mexico which is approximately 40 miles east of Mexico City.  We conducted “vacation bible school” for about 200 or so kids. The “VBS” included a music band, parties, arts, crafts, games, and of course a Bible story.   The team engaged in a service project at the local orphanage school which involved  fun activities for the children in the orphanage  and some grooming and clean up of the property.   The out buildings were somewhat “run- down” and there was a lot of clutter on the play ground.  We mowed, chopped, removed weeds, stumps, bushes, and old sheds from the property.  We repaired swing sets, basketball courts,...

Yup you read it right.  Neurobiology is a big word for how the brain works.  Addictions are those things we can’t stop doing because it feels good.  Sexual arousal parallels that of cocaine in its relationship to “pleasure” chemicals in the brain (dopamine for those of you with inquiring minds).  Studies show that as far as the brain is concerned, a reward is a reward, whether it’s food, sex, porn, gambling (gamblin for those of you in Tennessee), or shopping.  Due to an impaired functioning of certain parts of the brain (frontal cortex for those of you with inquiring minds), individuals with addictions are not able to objectively judge the dangers, risks, or negative impact of their behavior. This leads to instant gratification of...

The second form of insecure relationship is called the ambivalent attachment because it’s a mixture of  desiring love weighed against anger.  This style may develop when the child is unable to receive love and attention on a consistent basis from the caregiver.  The child develops a framework of thinking that then carrys over into adulthood that says; I am not worthy of love.  I am not capable of getting the love I need without being angry and clingy.  Others are capabale of loving me but might not do so because of my flaws.  They might abandon me.  I am poor at getting the love I need and I must please my loved ones or I will be worthless and unlovable.  The ambivalent attachment style often leads to unhealthy dependent relationships on others. ...

When parents (in Bowlby’s experiments this was primarily referring to the mother) are simply not available, physically or emotionally, or is willing but not able to be there (illness, death), or when the caregivers use insenstive, embarrassing, or sarcastic language, injuries to the the child’s ability to attach and form relationships can occur. In the avoidant style of relating, the child learns that he can’t depend on parents for a safe harbor. The child then develops a “survival” style of relating and develops self-talk that goes something like this: I am capable of love, but others are not able to love me.  I am worthy based only on my accomplishments.  I depend on my own self and abilities in order to succeed.  Others are...

What are your core beliefs about yourself?  You can determine this by answering the following questions:  Am I worthy?  Am I able to do what I need to in order to get the love I need?  Are other people reliable and trustworthy?  Are other people accessible and willing to respond to me? John  Bowlby believed that “the infant and young child should experience a warm, intimate, and continuous relationship with his mother (or permanent mother substitute) in which both find satisfaction and enjoyment” This formed the basis of his attachment theory.  The theory basically says that children develop a framework of thinking about their self worth, about others, about their trust in others, and trust in themselves as a result of the child’s ability to have...