Psychology

I believe it’s important to get first things first.  Without commitment to the relationship, nothing else will matter.  Marriage, like most other relationships requires intentional efforts to maintain and establish emotional and spiritual intimacy. A third cornerstone to creating harmony in the relationship requires good decision making.  These three areas seem to surface as consistent sources and root causes for developing conflict and emotional detachment.  They share a continuous thread of commonality in most troubled marriages I work with. It’s important for couples to identify practical ways to reaffirm commitment, build trust, intimacy and a solid path for the future. Hopefully these next few blogs will challenge you and at the same time...

Last night with my family during dinner and over a very lively debate about government intrusion, the meaning of torture, unions and the evil “Wall Mart,” I was upbraided by my boys for blogging too much on the political scene (read as political deception).  So, as a compliant father would do, I’m going to devote the next few days to marriage and family counseling stuff.  Hope you enjoy and share with a friend. PS ….no more political discussions during dinner  🙂

Living under these rules can also lead to a chronic sense of failure, indecision, shame, and increased criticism of others.  The perfectionist is rarely satisfied with their performance.  By setting unrealistic standards the perfectionist develops a harsh self critical attitude which contributes to a low self esteem and fear of negative social evaluation (others will not accept me or like me).  They tend to overgeneralize, feel out of control which spirals down to a sense of helplessness. Therapy includes helping the perfectionist reframe negative self-talk and “rules” that have been established about perfection (I must be perfect, You must be perfect). It can also be helpful to understand how and why these rules were put into place to begin with. ...

Do people make you feel depressed, angry, worried? Are others completely annoyed by you?  Do others annoy you? Well it could be that they’re complete nit wits.  On the other hand, it could be that you are a perfectionist and living under an umbrella of perfectionistic rules that you set for yourself and for others.  When these rules are broken, you feel angry and depressed.  Well. You could banish the nit wits or you could try and reframe your thinking about perfectionism. Psychologists have identified at least 2 categories or types of depressive vulverability which form the basis for most clinical depression.  One form is highly related to a feeling of loss or over dependency (loss of loved one, loss of things).  The other form is related to intense...

Now that I have your undivided attention….a recent study published in Cognitive Therapy Research investigated the differences between individuals with and without sexual dysfunction on the automatic thought content (WAYTY–here and forever more known as What Are You Telling Yourself) during sexual activity.  Results indicated that both men and women experiencing sexual dysfunction (loss of libido, inability to reach orgasm or achieve erection) report significantly more negative thoughts during sexual activity compared to sexually healthy individuals.  Women experiencing sexual dysfunction engage in self talk and cognitions that most often include the following; “I’m not satisfying my partner,” “I’m not getting turned...

Over the millennia, dreams have made a profound impact on life and history. Dreams may have served as the germinating seed for art, myths, “fairy-tales,” architecture, poetry and music. Fascination with dreams has been recorded by Mesopotamians, Hebrews, Babylonians, Chinese, Greeks and Romans since ancient times. Dreams have always played a critical role in world religions from Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, and in Judeo-Christian beliefs. It is well documented that native and aboriginal religions integrate dreams with all of nature. Despite the attention given to dream interpretation throughout history and the landmark work contributed by Freud, Jung, and others, only a small percentage of mental health professionals work with dreams today in a...