Life

Often when talking with “leaders,” husbands, wives, or parents, who are experiencing problems, difficulties, road blocks, resistance, revolts, failures, disappointments, or other catastrophe’s, it often can be traced back to making a poor decision. Some questions to consider:  What is your process for making decisions?  Do you have a process?  How do you decide whether or not to purchase a washer and dryer?  Whirlpool or Maytag, Lexus or Volkswagon?  Are you a leader? Pastor?  Business Owner?  Parent?  Are you aware that decisions have long lasting effects on the future, the flock, our finances, our spouse, children, patrons and a host of other people as a result? Poor decisions and undesirable outcomes are often the result of making decisions...

The older I get (maturity yanno), the more people I counsel, with every person I get to know in a deeper, closer way, the more I’m convinced we’re all messed up to one degree or another.  Once you get past the veneers, the facades, the masks, have you ever met anyone who was not wounded in some way by a delusional, angry, mother, abusive father, weird relative, peer, spouse, teacher, pastor, priest, church, or boss?  I haven’t.  But if you’re like me, we tend to look at other people and say, “they have it all together.”  “Why can’t I be like them?” I recently attended a Christian men’s retreat designed to address a man’s shame, anger, loss, guilt, and fear.  The transparency from each man was astonishing and refreshing.  I met...

Have you ever relocated?  Ever picked up and moved all your belongings, stuffed them in a storage unit, and started something new?  In one way I feel like we’ve moved home and in another like we’ve left our security blankets, 3 kids, and our close friends behind.  We waved goodbye to personal friends, professional buddies, neighbors, neighbor’s dogs, my cat’s grave in the back yard (remember “GURL!),  and our growing church family (shout out to all my Providence family). New cultural environments are always interesting whether it’s food differences or personal habits.  I’ve actually found speckled butterbeans in the supermarket which I had not seen since my grandmother grew them in her garden 50 years ago.  Can’t find those in Philadelphia....

Just a few observations about my life after Pfizer.  First of all it’s safe to say that life does go on. I still see about 8 clients during the week but I’m less rushed in everything I do.  I even find myself driving the car slower to get somewhere.  Of course this could have something to do with my aging body and mind and less to do with eliminating my etched in stone schedule of arriving at the gym at 5:30am and at work Monday through Friday at 7:30 am. But who knows for sure?  Days seem to move a little slower.  That’s a good thing, especially during the summer.  In the past it seemed that summer passed so quickly I hardly knew what happened and bam, I’m raking leaves again.  Saturday and Sunday had to be protected and exalted as “my time.” ...

As Mother’s day approaches this weekend, we recognize the vital and formative role mothers have on individual lives.  I’ll throw out the question, where would we be without our mothers?  Now if your mother was warm, welcoming, nurturing, loving, caring, emotionally healthy, and present, this is a no brainer.  If however, your mother was not “present” either physically, emotionally, or otherwise, then it’s a more difficult question to reconcile. Many clients (especially men) seeking help for depression, anger, or personality disorders, often describe their mother as cold, depressed, unavailable, ambivalent, distant, burdened, intimidated, lonely, and often a victim of abuse themselves.  The abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual in nature.  One...

Salt, sugar, trans-fats, have all been in the news lately as Michelle O leaves her backyard vegetable garden and takes to the mean streets on her crusade against body fat.  In her wake, there’s a deluge of  federal, state, and local law initiatives rising up against obesity.  What I refer to as the “food police” others call progress.  OK, we are probably the fattest developed nation in the world.  We have access to a wide variety of colas, cakes, breads, cookies, candy bars, chips, carbs and sugars limited only by our grocery budget. But never fear, our great protector and omnipotent caretaker, the all knowing, all seeing, government will swoop in and save us all from plaque buildup, strokes, and a wide assortment of heart ailments. How will...