Clint Creasy Passes PA BAR Exam
It’s been quite a journey for Clint Esq. Each step of the way seemed like an impossibility. But it’s all culminated in success as a result of much prayer (and my money). OK, some loans helped out as well.
Sometimes we lack self-confidence because we tell ourselves things about ourselves that are not true which contributes to a lack of confidence. “I can’t do this,” “Others are smarter than I am,” “I’ll never be able to succeed.” And it goes on and on. But the truth is, we can do it. We live in the greatest country on earth that allows opportunity for everyone. Clint may not have been the smartest, the richest, and he wasn’t born into a family line of lawyers. I was the first member of my family (uncles, and cousins included) to graduate from college. Clint’s accomplishments speak to the potential that all of us have to excel and achieve if we put our mind to it; and if we walk humbly before the Lord. Congratulations to Clint who has worked very hard to achieve his success. He responded to school as he would a 9-5 job. He faithfully went everyday and attended class, studied in the library, studied more at home, and continued to lead and participate in church prayer groups. But as you can see, I don’t really care at all. I’m not the caring type.
Blatant Ad for iPhone…Apple owes me
You all know I’m not a geek or “techy.” (ok, where is the “on/off” button?) But a series of events led me to cancel my contract with T Mobile and take the plunge. I signed up for an Apple iPhone. I’m very impressed. It’s intuitive to use with functionality that blows me away. The applications (apps to us in the know) that can be downloaded are wide and varied in their scope and utility. Examples include everything from a dictionary, games, stocks, google, to a flashlight. Yup, a white screen that provides light in the darkness. My mail and music all on one iPod/phone thingamajig. After spending a total of eight hours on the phone with a Dell technical operator (read Indian connection), and $149 invoice, to “fix” my home computer, it was frustrating to end up having my boys (Lee and Clint) heal the darn thing. As with any new thingamajig of this technical nature, I needed some adjustments and help understanding how to use the tool to it’s max. You know, calendar synchronizations, Internet access, WI FI, POP3, VPN, capacity, ICCID, outgoing servers, SMTP, incoming servers IMAP, and e mail, a guy like me who has trouble finding the dip stick to check the oil in my car, needs some guidance and instruction (on/off buttons again). So, I ended up at the iPhone store today and was blown away.
I’m Baaaaack
Sorry, but it’s been a ruff 2 weeks. Our home computer crashed and Kathy and I have been on high doses of Valium trying to numb the pain of realizing that 12 years of financial history and personal records could be lost forever. But thanks to our computer savvy (read geek) sons, we now have everything back in order. They layed hands on our hard drive and it was healed. Yeeeeessss! So, since we last spoke, team Obama including his lovely wife Michelle, have failed to bring the Olympics home to Chicagoland and David Letterman has made a complete ass of himself.
A Nightmare
Sorry but our home computer crashed and …well you know the rest of the story. But, I’ll pick back up on the attachment stuff real soon. In the mean time, found this great little article.
OK, I couldn’t help myself….
I know I’m in the middle of blogging some psycho-babble but I couldn’t help myself from making some political comments as well.
Why are democrats and BO in trouble? Is it because of race? Is it because of Nancy or Harry? Has ACORN tarnished the angel from above? It’s probably a combination of all things related to government takeover. But take a moment and read this insightful article that pretty much explains; it’s a trust issue.
The Ambivalent Style of Relating
The second form of insecure relationship is called the ambivalent attachment because it’s a mixture of desiring love weighed against anger. This style may develop when the child is unable to receive love and attention on a consistent basis from the caregiver. The child develops a framework of thinking that then carrys over into adulthood that says;
I am not worthy of love. I am not capable of getting the love I need without being angry and clingy. Others are capabale of loving me but might not do so because of my flaws. They might abandon me. I am poor at getting the love I need and I must please my loved ones or I will be worthless and unlovable.
The ambivalent attachment style often leads to unhealthy dependent relationships on others. The framework of thinking that leads to dependency goes something like this;
I am incompetent. I struggle to handle things on my own. I need strong protection. The world is cold and dangerous. I am flawed and on one could like me. Every failure verifies I am flawed. When someone rejects me, it proves I am flawed.
Know someone like this? It’s important to re-frame our thinking and realize that we are competent and we everyone has flaws. Failures do not confirm a flaw. It simply means that we have to try again. It also means that this is not something inherently wrong with us but rather signals that we may have had one or more parents that were inconsistent in “being there” when we cried out for a safe harbor. That’s not your fault. It was something you needed as a child and didn’t receive.
The Avoidant Attachment
When parents (in Bowlby’s experiments this was primarily referring to the mother) are simply not available, physically or emotionally, or is willing but not able to be there (illness, death), or when the caregivers use insenstive, embarrassing, or sarcastic language, injuries to the the child’s ability to attach and form relationships can occur.
In the avoidant style of relating, the child learns that he can’t depend on parents for a safe harbor. The child then develops a “survival” style of relating and develops self-talk that goes something like this:
I am capable of love, but others are not able to love me. I am worthy based only on my accomplishments. I depend on my own self and abilities in order to succeed. Others are unwilling or unable to love me. I must rely on self. Others are not trustworthy, others are unreliable.
You can easily see that if one develops this framework of thinking, it will be devastating to relationships. How can I relate to people when I have a deep mistrust of everyone?
If you recognize these traits and style of relating in your own life, you can re-frame to tell yourself the truth. The truth is that “I couldn’t rely on my parents at times however, I can trust some people. Everyone is not like my parents. I am worthy in God’s eyes regardless of my accomplishments. I will depend on God to provide direction and assistance. I can trust God. I may not have been able to trust or rely on my parent(s) but I can rely on God.
Often this framework of thinking has been in place for a number of years. Reframing may be difficult and require intense practice, but the truth is….you can do it.
Core Beliefs and Attachment Styles
What are your core beliefs about yourself? You can determine this by answering the following questions: Am I worthy? Am I able to do what I need to in order to get the love I need? Are other people reliable and trustworthy? Are other people accessible and willing to respond to me? John Bowlby believed that
“the infant and young child should experience a warm, intimate, and continuous relationship with his mother (or permanent mother substitute) in which both find satisfaction and enjoyment”
This formed the basis of his attachment theory. The theory basically says that children develop a framework of thinking about their self worth, about others, about their trust in others, and trust in themselves as a result of the child’s ability to have basic needs met by the parents (and mother in particular).
There are four basic attachment styles or ways in which we enter relationships. The secure, the avoidant, the ambivalent, and the disorganized.
I’ll address one of these today and others to follow.
The secure attachment style says “I am worthy of love, I am capable of love, and others are willing and able to love me.” The truth is, regardless of how well your needs were met as a child, you are still are worthy of God’s love, you are capable of love, and others can love you.
People that struggle in relationships probably are acting out the other styles of relationship, ie. the avoidant, ambivalent or the disorganized. More tomorrow.
Million “Man/ Woman” March
First of all let me apologize to my “thousands” of loyal followers (ok , both of you) for being gone so long. But I’m back and now ready to leave again. So much going on in Obamaland I don’t know where to begin. As an overall observation, I’m thinking back at how the Community Organizer (AKA, BO) was going to bring peace, love, prosperity and cooperation to all. He was going to “change the tone” in Washington. He was going to bring Democrats and Republicans together. There was to be peace and harmony forever more. The hatred and racism of the past would be buried forever as we elected our first black President.
Oh well. So much for promises from a politician. In my short 49 years, (OK, 56 short years), I’ve never seen or heard of so much name calling, charges of incivility, racism, and division in our great land. Of course all of this was predicted by my friend and mentor Rush L. He said during the election that if BO was elected, racism and division would increase dramatically. Once again, he was right. Why is it that when the Republicans or conservatives disagree with Team Obama they are labeled as racist, Nazi’s, and protests at town-hall meetings as originating from “astro turf;” not “grass roots”.
I have some first hand knowledge of a friend who recently joined in the Tea Party protest held on the mall in Washington. My thanks to Kate D. for taking the time to show her loyalties to our country and constitution. I’m planning on doing the same the next opportunity I have. I know her personally, and I know her kind. She’s not racist, not a bigot, not a kook, not part of any “astro turf” movement sponsored by an insurance company or hateful drug company. She’s not a Nazi. She is a concerned citizen that doesn’t want to see the government run everything from banks, to cars, to hospitals. She sees and hears, as I do the contradictions spewed from Team Obama 24/7. George Will described it this way:
He says America’s health-care system is going to wrack and ruin and requires root-and-branch reform—but that if you like your health care (as a large majority of Americans do), nothing will change for you. His slippery new formulation is that nothing in his plan will “require” anyone to change coverage. He used to say, “If you like your health-care plan, you’ll be able to keep your health-care plan, period.” He had to stop saying that because various disinterested analysts agree that his plan will give many employers incentives to stop providing coverage for employees.
He deplores “scare tactics” but says that unless he gets his way, people will die. He praises temperate discourse but says many of his opponents are liars. He says Medicare is an exemplary program that validates government’s prowess at running health systems. But he also says Medicare is unsustainable and going broke, and that he will pay for much of his reforms by eliminating the hundreds of billions of dollars of waste and fraud in this paragon of a program, and in Medicaid. He says Congress will cut Medicare (it will not) by $500 billion—without affecting benefits.
He says the nation’s economic health depends on controlling health-care costs. Yet so important is the trial bar in financing the Democratic Party, he says not a syllable in significant and specific support of tort reforms that could save hundreds of billions of dollars by reducing “defensive medicine” intended to protect not patients from illnesses but doctors from lawyers. He has said he will not add a dime to the deficit when bringing 47 million people into government-guaranteed health care. But Wednesday night, 17 million went missing: “There are now more than 30 million American citizens who cannot get coverage.” Almost 10 million of the uninsured are not citizens, and most of them are illegal immigrants. Presumably the other 7 million could get insurance but chose not to. Democrats propose fines to eliminate that choice. He suggests health-insurance companies are making excessive profits. But since 1996, profits of the six such companies in the S&P 500 have been below the 500’s average. He says a “public option”—a government insurance program—would not be subsidized to enable it to compete unfairly with private insurers. (The post office and the government’s transportation -“public option,” Amtrak, devour subsidies.) He says the public option is vital for keeping health insurers “honest”—but that it is only a wee “sliver” of reform. About that, Nancy Pelosi -disagrees.
The protests aren’t about one specific issue whether it be health care reform, taxes, banks, jobs. This isn’t about the color of some-one’s skin. Can we disagree and not be called a racist? It’s about keeping government small. It’s what our founding fathers had in mind.
Wax Wings Have Melted
Taking a break next week in Oak Island NC. But, I’ll be baaaack. In the mean time read this from one of my favorite thinkers, Charles Krauthammer of the Washington Post.
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